Most of the time, the sole reason for their unwillingness to confess or acknowledge their condition (to others), is pride.[1]
The knowledge that someone else knows their condition is in their mind to unbearable for them to face, to embarrassing. So they’d rather suffer with the condition in secret (so they hope), and pretend that it does not exist, ignoring all of its symptoms and consequences, excusing them as something other than what they truly are rather then have to deal with the reality of it, and allow others worthy of their trust[2] to help them to overcome them.
This is one of the most common conditions in the church and it has been the cause of many of the conflicts in the local assembly. Why?
Because through it many ungodly character flaws have been allowed to thrive and wreak carnal havoc in the lives of believers.
The jealous wife who tortures her husband with unjustified suspicions and accusations, hindering his ministry and economic potential,[3] the controlling husband that dominates every aspect of his wife’s life,[4] the inferiority complex that masquerades as spiritual maturity,[5] the miser, thief, and the sex fiend that claim a calling to the ministry as a cover to freely practice their craft among trusting people.[6] The list goes on and on.
There are many “believers” who suffer from denial and deception about spiritual truth and biblical principles that put stable Christians through unnecessary stress by their insisting that the stable knowledgeable believer is the one with the problem.
Bad Husband Good Wife
The worst case is between marriage partners, when the wife is stable and knowledgeable and the husband is not, (or the reverse), and the unstable, unlearned person insists on dictating Biblical truth to the spiritually stable person, choosing where they fellowship, what they wear, how they should worship and praise God, who they should talk to and what doctrine they should and should not believe or follow. Dominating their lives while at the same time forbidding the dominated from pointing out any of the dominaters fault. The dominater views all such attempts as criticism and put-down and they respond to such comments with verbal accusations and sometimes even physical violence.
Bad Wife Good Husband
When the dominator is the wife, she will often keeps badgering her husband until he reaches his point of tolerance and begins to raise his voice to her only to have her tell him that he needs to get control, repent and get a relationship with God. She insists that he needs to confess all of his faults and stop being so proud and dishonest about “his condition”. She further torments him by suggesting that he needs to be mentored by a “real” man and she suggests all kinds of ministries to help him get delivered from his “generational cures”,[7] ministries that specialize in deliverance from spirits and that have all kinds of “deep revelations” and have a personal “word from the Lord” just for their husband.
This kind of wife will literally drive her husband to leaving the home. She is generally unwilling to accept correction and sees any attempt at correcting her as a put down and thus she is difficult to help.
She generally wants to take over the rule of the home and will constantly interfere with her husband’s attempt to teach their children, resulting in a home of chaos.
The only Remedy for Denial
The fact of the matter is that people need to be honest and truly repent of their sinful ways that prevents them from getting delivered from their character flaws.[8]
What they need to denounce is not some imaginary generational curse (that’s really nothing more than Adamic sin of which we all are partakers). But rather, they need to denounce the hypocrisy, dishonesty and pretense that they have been walking in, trying to hide the evidence of their pride, selfishness and self-centeredness.
The need to be perceived by others as intelligent, wonderful and caring, (the way we all would like to be perceived), has driven some to avoid at all cost fully acknowledging their sinful ways. But God’s word instructs us to not only acknowledge but also to forsake our sinful ways. [9]
Their concern is:
“If I am truly honest about my hang-ups they won’t think I am so wonderful. They will think that I am stupid, crazy or ignorant.”
This kind of thinking while understandable considering how cruel people can be, (even professing Christians), is nevertheless contrary to God’s will and it leads to a practice of denial that in the final analysis does serious spiritual, emotional and psychological harm, far worse than the cruel comments of silly and ignorant people.
If that’s all you have to lose in order to get right with God and allow him to truly heal you, then that’s what you should do. Failure to do so is causing you far more harm than a few ignorant people who have no respect for you, ever can. People who are spiritually mature and worthwhile, will still respect you and you will have no reason to pretend with them.
Indeed, denial is a serious hindrance to spiritual deliverance and development; all true believers will recognize this fact and forsake that practice in favor of an honest and sincere heart that will allow God to fulfill His promise to heal.
Your comments and suggestions are welcome.
[1] There are some cases where the effected is not aware that they have a condition but most of the time there is an intentional attempt to hide the fact by denial and ignorance under pretense.
[2] Such as a godly Pastor, close family member or friend. Truly godly people, not predators
[3] Such women are often unwilling to acknowledge the role that their insubordination plays in their husband’s inability to function at his greatest potential. Yet they constantly complain about their husband’s lack of success and accomplishments. For more on this see my article “The Effect of an Insubordinate wife”
[4] One of the worst forms of abuse. For more on this see my article “Husbands Love your wives”
[5] This is a tricky aspect of this temperament that often eludes detection.
[6] Just take a close look at the local churches and you will see what I mean. See my article “False Prophets and False Brethren”
[7] See “Exposing Rebecca Brown”
[8] See my article on “Character Flaws” for more details
[9] Ps. 51:3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
Jer. 3:13 Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the LORD thy God,
Hosea. 5:15 I will go and return to my place, till they acknowledge their offence, and seek my face:
James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
1John. 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.